| Adam and Kristy's wedding |
[August 09, 2008 @ 9:49pm] |
If you haven't filled out my survey yet, get to it! I'm still replying to all of them.
Last night was our friends Adam and Kristy's wedding. It was gorgeous and fun. These are the kids I'm talking about when I mention the friends that love to party. In fact, Adam's bachelor party was on a party bus.
Of course, the party was the best part. And what does a mommy do at a party when her baby is safe at Oma's?
( Beware: pictures of a tipsy Kristina may cause blindness )
I seriously have the same creepy clown smile in every picture... my hate for clowns is intense.
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| Survey... |
[August 05, 2008 @ 3:38pm] |
Since I haven't been around as much, I've missed everyone (and met a bunch of new people, too!) So I want some updates! Best way to update? Survey! So whether you're new to my LJ friends list or we've known each forEVAH, fill this out! Let me know if you want your answers private... I'll reply to everyone and mock you for your vulnerable-ness!
Tell me...
All about yourself...
Name:
Nicknames:
Age:
Birthday:
Current location:
Hobbies:
Career:
Status:
Pets:
Have a religion?
What's your sign:
Are you in school?
Have a webpage?
Children...
Do you have any kids?
Names and ages:
Do you want any more?
What are their favorite things to do?:
What advice can you give to new parents:
Your favorite...
Type of music:
Band or singer:
TV show:
Movie:
Book:
Thing to do:
Food:
Non alcoholic drink:
Alcoholic drink:
Color:
Number:
Quote:
Do you dare give your opinion on...
Politics:
War:
Life after death:
Abortion:
Homosexuality:
Religion:
Reincarnation:
Euthanasia:
Death penalty:
Random...
Tell me a joke:
Tell me an interesting story about yourself:
How would you describe yourself:
Describe yourself in one word:
What makes you laugh?
Who is your hero?
What famous person would you want to be stranded on an island with?
What would you be doing right now if you weren't doing this survey?
Ask me a question:
Do you want this to remain private?:
Post your favorite picture of yourself. If you don't wanna, just post something random:
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| YES. |
[August 01, 2008 @ 2:15pm] |
I got my grant. I'm finally going back to school. I'm so happy I could freakin' cry. Now I can go educate myself and get a career and start making REAL money for my baby instead of wasting my intelligence at Payless.
Don't you think she deserves it? vvv  |
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[June 27, 2008 @ 8:41pm] |
Well it’s been quite a while since I’ve updated. I’ve been pretty busy life is expensive. Roxie is now 17 weeks old.
She went from this…  
( to this... )
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[May 31, 2008 @ 10:43pm] |
Is it can be hugs time now please?  |
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[April 04, 2008 @ 8:33pm] |
Mom got tired of me whining about not having any pictures of just me and Roxie, so she took some, despite how rough I look:
( Roxie + Mommie = pun intended )
And the 3rd was my mom's birthday, so here are pics from that day.
( Roxie's first dress! )
I do realize I'm turning into one of those camera whore moms that post a million pictures of her child and slowly annoys the hell out of everyone. I do not care. It reminds me of that Family Guy episode where the one guy is like "Look at my kids" and starts smacking the other guy in the face with his wallet photos of his kids. That will be me.
I also made Roxie her own photobucket album.
I'M TIRED. Delirious. Ha.
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[March 27, 2008 @ 7:59pm] |
Look at this ( face! )
Roxie is finally home! She spent 9 days in the NICU and came home on Sunday, March 8th. You can imagine that we've been crazy busy and insomniac-ish since then. I can't believe that in two days, Roxie will already be a month old! My baby girl is growing like a weed. In just a week she gained an inch in height and ten ounces, so she is now 17.5" and 4 pounds 12 ounces. I can't wait to see what she is at her next checkup on the 11th.
I still can't get over the fact that I am a mommy. No... I am SUPER MOMMY. Able to clean up fountains of spit up and change poopy diapers at the speed of light. That is all she does: eat, spit up, eat, sleep, spit up, cry, spit up, cry, sleep, spit up. In fact, she's fussing right now, and I think it's because she's pooping as we speak. Yet we find this amazing. Everything she does is amazing. She farts all the time, but it is adorable. Even her gas faces are photogenic. And Rob swears that she smiled for him the other day. I'm not even back to work yet and I missed something!
I finally know what my mom meant when she said I'd never feel anything quite like what a mother feels for her child. It feels like I've never loved anything so much in my life. She gives me the happy tears, which is very cliche, corny, and hormonal. :D I am also very obsessive and possessive. The only one I really want handling her or telling me what to do with her is Rob. I agree with what Rob said in his journal - I respect my parents even more now than I did before, knowing how hard it is to transition from single couple to parenthood. I don't care if you are 20 or 40 or whatever, having a baby is tough work. Still, I don't want anyone telling me how to raise her, though I've gotten plenty of advice and opinions already. I want more faith that we can do this just fine on our own. There is a lot of outside static around us right now, and all I want is for everyone to respect that we are a family of our own and are independent. All of the help that is offered is genuine and appreciated, but it is overwhelming. I think that our families are causing me to be more stressed out than Roxie herself.
I'm giving myself a hard time and I realize it. I'm in that awkward in between stage where I haven't lost all my weight yet. I can't wear my preggo clothes any more but my pre-preggo clothes are still too tight. I have already lost 12 pounds out of the 19 that I gained, but I can't believe how much 7 pounds makes a difference! It's probably because I am so short. That and I'm still swollen a little so my pants don't fit... that is my excuse for gaining all of my weight in my hips. >_< It doesn't help when my dad keeps asking when I'm going to start exercising! I think that taking care of Roxie is all the exercise I'm going to get for a while.
It was my birthday on the 19th, and I am now fabulous at 22 (made even more fabulous with pink text)! Thank you to those who remembered, I love you guys! Happy belated birthday to PIETJE (fabulous in blue, but in a manly way)! This is the first year I wasn't able to send you a card! Granted I was in the hospital... having major surgery... no excuses! :P You are OLD. Older than MOI. :D
It was a really fun birthday because Rob surprised me with tickets to the Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Seether show. Now, I don't like Seether (aside from that one song because it is very catchy), but the other two bands are my FAVE. Or at least they are up there. I had my first celebratory cocktail in Roxie's honor, but kept it just to two drinks because it was much more fun being sober and watching the drunken antics of Adam (not my brother), Kristy and Alisha. Oh my gosh they crack me up. Adam and his thrusting motion. Poor random kid I do not remember in the general area of Adam's thrusting motion. They make me realize I never want to be an alcoholic, I just want to watch them be alcoholics. The only bad part of the night was leaving Roxie with my parents for nearly six hours. I know, I'm pathetic, but I don't think I was ready for that. The concert was worth it though, and Rob and I were able to have some very rare couple time. It will only become rarer.
And now, time for more ( pictures!! )
I have realized that there are hardly any pictures of me with my baby girl. That is depressing.
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[March 06, 2008 @ 3:10pm] |
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Roxie Marie Wyatt!
Born February 29th, 2008
4 lbs., 4 oz.
16.5" long
Dark brown hair
Slate blue eyes
Yep! Baby Roxie came a little early. Like... over a month early. As you know, I was going through non stress tests twice a week for the past few weeks because I was losing amniotic fluid. Well, on Friday the 29th (yes, she was born on the leap year, of all days), I went in for another routine test, and they decided that since she wasn't very responsive (she only did 2 out of the 8 things they look for during an ultrasound), and my amniotic fluid was down to only 47%, it was time to deliver her.
And now I will treat you all to the amazing journey of a c-section! It all happened within less than 2 hours. They sent me upstairs to labor/delivery/triage and I had to keep asking if they would wait until my husband got there. They set me up with my IV and my catheter, which I will tell you right now in advance - if you have any fears of epidural or spinal block or whatever, the worst part of the entire experience was that damn catheter. Trust me. THEN, right before they took me up to the operating room, my freakin' water broke! What are the odds? I was like... did I just pee myself? Fortunately my dignity was still intact.
They had to keep Rob out while they gave me my spinal block. By this time I was shaking so bad and crying a little out of shock (since everything was happening so fast... one minute I'm eating pizza in the cafe, the next I'm having a baby). One of the nurses came over and literally held me like a baby to get me to stop shaking... then thought it was the cutest thing and started asking someone to take a picture of her holding me. Don't ask me why... Anyway, I'm going to dispel the epidural/spinal block fear now: they had me sit up (damn catheter...) and curve my back as much as possible. They prick you twice - the first one is a little tube that's smaller than a normal needle. It felt like a shot, not too bad. The second prick was going into that tube to place the needle/spinal block into your spinal fluid. That one made me cry out a little because it burned a little bit and I felt a spasm through my leg. It lasted just a second, and it too felt like a shot. VOILA. They laid me down then and within five minutes I felt extreme numbness from the chest down. Then I couldn't move anything and they gave me oxygen (otherwise, it feels like an elephant is standing on your chest).
The baby was out within the first 15 minutes. All I felt was a lot of pressure, as if I was numb and someone just kept poking and prodding me. I couldn't stop myself from shaking though, and it was like, CRAZY shaking. I think it was from the meds. That and the morphine was making my face itch and I looked like an addict, constantly scratching it (this lasted til the next day). After that, it took about an hour to sew me up. Rob actually kept looking over the curtain to see and the surgeon starting point things out like "this is her uterus, these are her ovaries... this is a side of your wife you won't see very often."
When they pulled her out, I didn't even hear her cry - Rob asked me if I heard her, and I didn't so I started crying. Then when I finally did hear her cry, I cried some more. Then when they brought her over for me to see for a total of 30 measly seconds, I cried even more. THEN when they were taking her way, I kept crying throughout the rest of the surgery, on and off. I didn't get to see her for a long time after that because she had to go straight to the newborn intensive care unit (NICU).
Skip forward to when I'm done, they transport me up to my room. By this time my parents and brother left, but Rob's friend Neil (and later on, Mason and Rob's family) came up to see me. All of a sudden I needed to throw up, but those bastards sent an ex-pregnant woman weening off morphine to a room with no buckets! I was throwing up and Rob and Neil were running around trying to find a bucket for me. At one point Neil just stared at me in shock and I had to yell at him to get napkins. What dignity I maintained from before was gone then. :D
It took quite a while before I had full feeling in my body again, and that damn catheter was all that I felt. Fortunately they took everything out/off of me by 4 or 5 am, and the next day I was up walking around (thanks to my trusty Vicodin). They let me stay until Monday because Roxie is still in an incubator in the NICU.
Now, to the most important part of this entry - ROXIE. She was born premature, measuring about 32 weeks (fetal age), and her lungs were lazy. She was breathing decently, but she couldn't maintain any deep breaths, so she had to be put on oxygen. I was discharged on Monday, but Roxie is still in the NICU and we don't know when she will be released. We're hoping within a week now. She still has a feeding tube through her nose that goes to her stomach, but they have been pretty successful so far gradually weening her onto a bottle. Two days after she was born they found out she was anemic and needed a blood transfusion, but after that she just got so much stronger. Now she is slightly jaundice but that's not a big deal, it'll be gone in a few days.
She's absolutely gorgeous. She looks like a perfect mix of me and Rob. She has his eyes and mouth, my nose and ears, and so far his really dark hair (though I was also born with dark hair). And she has so MUCH of it! We have to comb it, she has so much! And she is a wiggler too. They can't leave her unattended and they have to prop blankets around her or she just rolls around her incubator. She usually winds up at the bottom of it, or like the other day she rolled over and had her face squashed up against the window. Crazy girl! Just like her momma!
It has been really hard not having her home. Fortunately Rob and I have been able to get up to the hospital every single night, but it is still rough. I still break down a few times and I haven't been sleeping well at all (let alone letting myself heal from surgery), but I keep reminding myself that she needs to be there and that it could be any day now when she comes home. My baby girl is absolutely amazing. I could stare at her for hours. You never realize how much you could possibly love something so quickly and so completely. Poor thing, I'm going to be so overprotective!! I've never felt anything like this before, and it's amazing.
I have a bunch of pictures which I'm going to post next in a friends-only post, just because this one is long enough! :D
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| First NST results |
[February 10, 2008 @ 7:01pm] |
I've been updating like crazy this week! I like crowding out your friends pages.
I went to the hospital for an NST on Friday. They hooked me up to this computer to monitor the heart beat and gave me this little button thing to click every time I felt her move. It actually took longer than my doctor said it would - over half an hour connected to the monitor. The good news is that her heart beat seemed strong, as well as her movements (as usual). Every time she kicked, it registered on the printout even bigger than her heart beat. I'm telling you, she's beating me up from the inside!! The bad news is there was a moment where her heart beat completely disappeared, and I don't know what that means. They were going to keep me for further monitoring but ended up letting me leave. I just wish I knew what it meant. I will remain optimistic that it is okay, and they wouldn't have let me leave if it wasn't.
This dial up is driving me crazy. It's not horrible, but I think I'm just too impatient. I've been playing a lot of solitaire while waiting for pages to load. Maybe I try to do too many things at the same time and it's making it worse. I've been spoiled by cable internet for too long. But hey, at least we have internet.
Yesterday my mother in law and sister in law stopped by to visit, which was nice. Before that my boss came to my house. WEIRD. Rob had gotten vouchers for her husband and son to go to the motocross event at the Palace, so she stopped by to get them from me so that I didn't have to make a trip to give them to her. It was nice of her, but there's just something unsettling about having your boss visit your house... it's ironic though that RIGHT after she left, my mother in law stopped by, and these two ladies know each other and don't particularly like each other.
Yesterday was also cleaning day, and I think I'll be doing some more tonight while the Grammies take over TV. Nesting mode has begun. Well water turns my tub and toilet orange. I think I pulled something trying to scrub the shower... lol.
I'm so tired, but it seems like there's so much to do coming up. Twice a week driving to and from the hospital, which will most likely be on work days too since they are Tuesdays and Fridays (days they like to work me at night because they don't want to). I have an appointment to sign up for WIC at 9:30 on Wednesday. Next Sunday is the diaper party, and I still don't know where it is going to be. I hope it will be here. A lady at Rob's work offered to throw one for us, but it seems that no one wants to go if it's at her house. Something about Little Hitler. And having it at a bar may not be such a good idea either. It's probably not good for me to be around smoke, and it would mean even more driving. The only times I don't get motion sickness is when I'm driving the short distances to and from work. I'm not the one to make these decisions, though.
We won a car off of eBay. A Crown Imperial. I don't know what color it is, but it will probably be another "Old [insert color here]", just like Old Blue. We'll be like a tank fleet. But it holds a car seat, and that was our only requirement for buying a car (aside from cheapness). Everything is looking up, money wise. Rob's hours picked up. The car was just a little bit over our entire tax return, but we still have our $510 in the bank, the money coming in May from Bush's rebate, and whatever money we make off of Rob's truck (minus a new windshield). Seems like we'll be just fine when I'm not working after our daughter is here.
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| Ultrasound #2 |
[February 06, 2008 @ 10:38am] |
Monday I had my second ultrasound. Good news is, it started out well because it showed that my placenta has moved up, so now I don't have to worry about placenta previa. She is on the small side, measuring 2 weeks smaller than what she should be (although they are positive that I am 32 weeks, come Thursday). She's measuring 2 pounds 14 ounces. I'm not surprised or worried though - like I said in my last entry, small babies run in my side of the family.
The bad news is that there is a different problem now. It has potential to be nothing, but it also has potential to be serious. Thankfully she is fine, but the amniotic fluid around her that sustains her is low. Starting Friday, my doctor wants me to go to the hospital every 3-4 days to have a "stress test", or NST, done. Basically they will look at the pockets of fluid around her and monitor her heartbeat for about ten minutes or so. If they don't like what they see or they feel that her heartbeat is irregular/in distress, they will keep me in the hospital to further monitor everything. If there is enough of a problem, I may have to have her early. It's hard knowing that there was no way to prevent it and there's nothing I can do to help it (unless they put me on bed rest). Of course, this is all worst case scenario, but I'm still really scared for her. I don't want my baby girl to end up in the NICU. Like Rob said, she needs to take after her daddy and shack up in there two weeks past her due date.
The only other thing is that she's in what they call the frank-breach position. Meaning she's folded in half with her feet up by her face, and her butt is where her head should be. The lady doing my ultrasound said that 92% of babies would have settled into the proper position by week 32, but who knows, I could be in that lucky 8%. Chances are slim though. I have the same proportions as my mom, and my brother was in the same exact position and I was similar to it (like she said, "You weren't right either!") So I'm preparing myself for when my doctor will most likely schedule a c-section. I'm not worried about the c-section process itself, I'm just scared of having major surgery.
The past two days were pretty rough because there was a lot thrown at me in a short period of time. I still feel pretty drained and stressed and tired. But as long as my daughter is alright, I'll be alright. My baby girl is the most important thing in my life now, and she's not even here yet.
I've got ( pictures!!! )
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| Dial-up is for winners |
[February 03, 2008 @ 6:51pm] |
We have the internet again!!!!!!!! It only took us over a month! ... and we got stuck with dial-up. It's almost pathetic. So that's where I have been, if you were wondering: internet-less. So to those of you who have emailed me, know that I wasn't just lazy and not replying!
Lots of new news. We're in our house! We closed right before Christmas but couldn't move in until afterwards. We're out in the boonies where they won't even deliver pizza, living next to a a horse farm with horses that like to stare through the window from afar. Everyone around here hunts and it's like a different society, yet I only moved about 45 minutes north. That's the wonder of Michigan for ya. The lower half is ghetto, the upper half is hick.
I am now 31 weeks (a.k.a. the eight month / the third trimester). I haven't had time to take a new transitional profile pic, but I can't wait for you guys to see. It's like I have this little basketball on me. I'm small everywhere except my tummy, so it keeps reminding me of a scene from Alien for some reason. The doctors were giving me a hard time on my weight gain until they realized that I'm below the average, but that'll probably change with the last two months. When people ask how far along I am, they are all still amazed (and politely resentful) that I'm as small as I am.... *knock on wood.* I don't feel small! I have to roll out of my car! O.O
Tomorrow is my last ultrasound... at least I think so. I know they take one closer to the due date to check the measurements, but the reason for this ultrasound was supposed to be about checking my placenta because of how low it was at my first ultrasound. My doctor does want some measurements as well, something about a possibility of the baby being smaller? We'll basically find out tomorrow whether I'll need a c-section or not. I'm pretty confident though that I'll be fine, and same with the baby. My brother and I were both very small babies, and so was my mom and her siblings.
REALLY good news!::: I received a grant to Baker College (a very, very good college) for $2100, which will basically cover tuition for one semester. I am beyond grateful. Finally I'll get to go back to school, because saving for it seemed impossible for a while there. The only downside is that entry into their nursing program is limited, so I had to come up with a back up program for when I make my appointment with the counselor. I'm really excited.
I have a couple of important dates that have passed and are coming up. On the new year Rob and I had a little anniversary, having been a couple for two years now. We're throwing a Diaper Party for him and his friends on Feb. 17th (which just so happens to be our engagement anniversary too, but I'm the only one who remembered it). On the 19th Rob turns 25, and on the 25th my dad turns 59! My mom is throwing me a baby shower on the 24th, and Rob's mom is throwing me one on Mar. 2nd.
I could write about a lot more, but this is getting long enough. Basically just wanted to let you guys know I wasn't dead! I guess I'll go watch the Superbowl with my baby now.
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[November 19, 2007 @ 3:27pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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We have a home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Pregger Picture Post |
[October 01, 2007 @ 11:22am] |
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music |
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Somehow I typed this while talking to Tiffany on the phone |
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I promised progression pics but uh... not much progression.
Week 4
I took this back in August before I even had my first appointment and before I knew how far along I was. This was probably between 1 and 2 months.
Now, between then and now, I've gained four pounds, my clothes have begun to fit too tightly, and even my brother pointed out yesterday that I was getting rounder. I'm more jiggly in the belly, I eat like there is no tomorrow, and my chest is so big that even my bras hurt (sorry, TMI). Yet... look at this pic:
Week 13
The only difference I see is in my chest (bravo girls, bravo) and that my belly does extend a little further out from what little definition I have (compared to the first picture.) How can I feel such a difference but not really show it? Where's my damn pregger belly? (lmao) I'm (arguably) in the second trimester. Why can you see my ribs?
I'm not trying to be impatient, but this is the worst stage of pregnancy - the awkward part where only the people who know you are pregnant understand your little weight gain. Others just think you're letting yourself go. :D The funny part is that you can tell how I really felt at each stage - the first pic I look pathetic, the nausea was horrible. Second pic I look a lot better, and I definitely have been feeling better.
Tuesday is my 2nd prenatal appointment! I expect to hear the heartbeat at least, if not get an ultrasound. They may not give me one until week 17, but we're so close to finding out the gender!
In other news, Rob and I celebrated our 1-year wedding anniversary on Saturday! He took me to The Melting Pot in Troy, which is this upscale fondue restaurant where you can easily drop a $100. Granted I would have been just as happy ordering a pizza (which was actually last night's present for me), I had so much fun and we will definitely go back. We had a great waiter even though he was hard to understand at times (he talked even faster than me!!) Rob got us the special couples' booth that was secluded from the rest of the restaurant. I thought it was funny that the people in the booth next to us were celebrating their 25th anniversary. We finished the night watching Clerks 2. Maybe I should see Clerks 1. Donkeys will forever disturb me now.
We're still looking for a home because we can't seem to decide on one (or find one that is perfect for us both, either). It doesn't help that the realtor we have makes me so uncomfortable. Which reminds me. I was kinda bored the other day and I started reading Rob's livejournal from like, a year ago. Reminiscing about when we first started dating and how much I loved his entries and how amazing he always made me feel. They were all so loving and just re-reading them made me wish he would come home asap so I could jump him. But there was one quote that he made that I had to put into here: "I just don't like to see my baby hurt. If anyone makes my baby sad, scared, uncomfortable, or any other emotion that's not good, I will want to hurt them."
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| Momma will care |
[September 21, 2007 @ 2:20pm] |
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America's Next Top Model in the background |
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Why does my husband comment on everyone's journal except for mine? You'd think I was important or something.
I'm officially twelve weeks/three months.. yesterday! Which is ironic, because yesterday was not a good day. My "morning" sickness hit me twice really hard within an hour and I scared my poor 17 year old coworker who can't really be left by herself on the floor. Not to mention I had to throw up in the sink since our toilet doesn't work at Payless. Nasty. I thought that once you hit the second trimester, which I am now in, things would get easier. People are done sympathizing with me.
So the stereotypical emotional pregnant woman has been showing itself in me lately. I've been watching as many baby shows on TV as I can, like A Baby Story and Bringing Home Baby, and I always end up crying through them. That Hanes commercial too, with the little toddler sleeping on his daddy's chest. I used to do that with my dad. And Sara and I had a conversation yesterday about what I'm afraid of, and I started crying there, too.
Tiffany dyed my hair today and I'm getting closer and closer to the natural color (except a little darker). It's like a light brown but with a lot of my blond showing through. Very pretty. I'll put up pics along with the progression pics soon.
We didn't get that house we bid on because they didn't want to come any lower than $84,900 and 3% seller's concession (we're aiming for 6%). I figure though that if the house is still listed a month or two down the road, we can try again. It only takes a short while before they start lowering in... but it's such a nice home, I'm not sure it'll last long. I'm not discouraged though. There are tons more homes to look at.
Supposedly I may be transferring to the Lapeer Payless at the end of next week, but I'm not putting my money on it. This is what was overheard from Patty while she was on the phone. I will be happy the sooner I go. I'm done with the drama and the stress with the Auburn Hills Payless. I'm done being screwed over.
Well, I'm going to go pick up my apartment now. My momma's stopping by to see my hair, look at some homes online, and to give me some love 'cause I need some. I was thinking the other day that if I become half as good a mother as my mom is, I'll be just fine. She's my best friend, is always there when I need her, and always makes me feel so loved and cared for. The only think I'm not looking forward to about moving is being so far away from her. That's what made moving into this apartment easier, being thirty seconds away. A girl just needs her mom. And look, I'm getting emotional again.
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| Why are the things i love always taken away... |
[August 13, 2007 @ 12:03pm] |
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distraught, depressed, shocked |
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I've been away for a week since I've been pretty sick. On Thursday I had my first doctors appointment where I was going to get my official pregnancy test (mostly just to find out how far along I am) as well as a few other tests done. It was supposed to be a happy day.
Well, the morning of, I got a phonecall from my brother saying that our cat Shadow, whom we had for 15 years and more of a family member than a cat, wasn't doing very well. Apparently he hadn't been moving, eating, or using the litter box for the past four days, and would only randomly meow in pain. So he asked me to help take him to the vet. I bring over my kitty carrier but Shadow wouldn't fit (he is a very, very large cat). So instead, we hammocked him in a blanket and carried him out to the car. Poor Shadow started panicking as I held him in the backseat and Adam drove, and all of a sudden this cat that couldn't even move himself was trying to get away.
We didn't even make it out of the neighborhood when I felt his teeth in my finger and his body kind of spasm. I had to yank my hand out of his mouth and covered him with the blanket to keep him from biting more (this cat never bites). My finger was mangled, his teeth went halfway through my finger. I was in shock so my brother decided to switch me - he'd hold Shadow and I would drive. As soon as we switched places, I heard Adam yell "Is he dead?? Did you suffocate him???" I looked back and Shadow was sprawled on the back seat, his mouth/eyes wide open and he's gasping for air. Then his eyes dilate and he stops breathing. All I hear is Adam saying "Shadow? Shadow?" He was gone. I've never seen my brother cry.
We were panicking, not knowing whether to rush him to the vet or what, but we finally brought him back home and broke down. My dad and Rob rushed me to the doctor for the bite while Adam stayed home and held Shadow's body and talked to him. Then my dad left and he and my mom took Shadow's body to the shelter to check him for rabies (though I know he didn't have any, the doctor demanded).
Things got worse when they told us we couldn't have his body back. I called my mom and begged her to just bring him home and forget about the testing, but she couldn't. Instead, the shelter would give him a private cremation and we'd get his ashes.
We found out that it was feline leukemia that killed him so abruptly. The bite he gave me was an involuntary reaction - his heart was stopping and his body spasmed, making his bottom teeth jam into my finger. It couldn't have been a bite, because cats use either their top teeth/fangs to tear things or both sets - not just the bottom teeth.
The hardest part is not blaming ourselves. He was alive, then we moved him and five minutes later, he was dead. If we had just left him alone, he could've died peacefully, possibly in his sleep. Watching him die, seeing him gasping and then going limp, will always be ingrained in my mind. I've had nightmares. My brother won't talk about it, he just can't stay at home. It's too hard. God, why did we have to fucking move him?????????
Then I go to work and they try to make fucking light of it, even laugh about the rabies. They won't leave me alone, drag the story out of me because they demand to know why I look sad, then when I get to the bite and rabies part, they start laughing. Bastards. I hope someone laughes when your pets die. You'll feel the hurt and the hate then.
Last year I lost Fluffy (about 11 years old), and I don't even know what happened to him. Now I've lost Shadow. God. It's like I'm not supposed to stop crying or something.
I love and miss you, my baby kitties.
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[June 14, 2007 @ 2:11pm] |
It's true when they say bad news comes in sets of three.
- We just found out that my dad is diabetic. It wasn't too shocking since three of his siblings are diabetic as well, but still. Those who know me also know how active my family and I are with the American Diabetes Association (although I missed the fundraiser walk last year). My Uncle Dick died from it, but not before he lost his sight and his leg (he cut his toe one day and the diabetes never let it heal, so he developed Gangrene). My Aunt Maggie has it pretty bad, where she needs to give herself insulin shots. My Aunt Janet has it, which leads to...
- ... the second set of bad news. Aunt Janet (one of my favorite aunts - she's the one who told Rob that she WAS the favorite aunt, lol). She is diabetic, which led to her breast cancer, and she's also had problems with her kindeys. She has been in an out of the hospital for minor-ish things, but I just found out about an hour ago that she's back in the hospital in intensive care. She was at her doctor appointment when she went into cardiac arrest (heart stopped). They don't know what caused it, but since she was lucky and with her doctor, they were able to perform CPR right away. She could've died. They have put her into a coma to keep her calm and from injuring herself. They have been monitoring her brain waves and everything seems fine, but we still don't know what caused all of this.
- And finally, I will count this as the third bit of bad news because I would rather have it be THIS than anything worse: One of the RARE days I am not working at Payless... Carlos Guillen and family comes to shop. CARLOS GUILLEN. Detroit Tigers, people. My boys. He still has his Washington ID (which Amy checked and that's how she found out it was him. Oh no, she didn't recognize him or anything. *rolls eyes*) - he used to play for Seattle. I'm so jealous right now. Who knew Carlos pimped the Payless. ^.^
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| DON'T stop... beLIEVin'... hold on to that FEEEEling |
[June 06, 2007 @ 9:00pm] |
Helloooo. It's time for an update, I think. Just so you all know I'm alive. Not much new to say except that I'm applying at Oakland University soon for their nursing program. All of my brother's little nurse friends go there and rave about it, so I am guessing it's the place to go. *crosses fingers for a grant* I'll at least know some people who go there, like Lindsay, Whitney, Colin, and a few others.
Still at Payless, but I'm going to be applying at this daycare in Lake Orion called the PeeWee Patch. I love kids, and I've learned just how good I am with them... what with my designated childrens-aisle attendance. I swear, the parents piss me off more than any kid could. I've had to chase after way too many kids that were wondering in or out of the store, crying their eyes out because their parents weren't paying attention to them and left them/let them wander off. Anyway, from what I understand, the amount of babysitting I've done is enough to qualify me. I may end up working with infants.
Went to the bar with the girls the other night. Since it may be one of the last nights we get to hang out with Amy (outside of work), we took some pictures. I just want to show you more of my hair :P lol. Tell me what you think.
( Blooooooooooooooooooooooonde. )
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[May 09, 2007 @ 9:26am] |
I'm still alive! And He said, "Thou shalt be... BLONDE."
Everyone knows I've always wanted to be blonde, so I finally did it. It's actually a little bit yellower than that since I didn't get the right product to maintain the platinum yet... but this photo isn't the best since it was taken with my cell phone. Hence the discoloration and graininess. And my hair is seriously windblown. I think I caught Rob off guard there, lol! ... why is my face orange?
TIGER'S GAME!!! It was SUCH a good game (and I'm aware that this photo of us looks exactly like the Piston's game photo of us). Seattle put up a good fight, but no dice. C-Mo and Maggs made two freakin' AMAZING dives in the last few innings. And can I say that I hate Rodney? 'Cause I do. Oh yeah, just give up a few runs there in the last innings, why not? I am even liking Jones better, and that's saying a LOT.
I never want to go to Detroit again. Every time I go, some bum tries to rip us off. But with my Elite Hobo Training, I was able to thwart them and save us ten bucks, because I'm sorry, I do NOT have to pay you to park on an open back street. I will give props to the one guy who wasn't really persistent but had a GREAT made up back-story. "I am not a hungry man, I want to give myself an education so I can get my two kids out of the ghetto and give my wife blah blah and I am sick and my mother died yesterday." NICE.
It reminds me of my Toronto stay back in '05. And of that South Park episode. One day I gave this hobo change, then the next day he was asking for more and getting angry when I refused. "I just gave them change, but it's like they don't even remember... CHAAAAANGE. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE."
So I'm leaving Payless. Or at least trying to. Aldo was very excited to interview me this coming Thursday, so I'm optimistic. Also, I still have that option of working with Lindsay at her daycare. Good thing I love kids. That may turn out to be one of those 'fun' jobs where it isn't really work... and may also self-rid me of my uterus. o_____o
Visited Nick Firis, who is still at Haggar and still awesome, even though I dissed him and his Democratic standards. And he knew Rob! I swear, the list keeps adding up with everyone who knew both of us - yet we didn't know each other - through high school.
Rob and I are obsessed with Final Fantasy XI (for those of you who are gaming-impaired, that's an online game for Final Fantasy... though it comes on XBox too, I believe). Forget World of Warcraft, that pansy-ass game, just give me FFXI... though I will never let Mary hear me say that, lest I give her an ulcer or something. I just started over on a different server so that I can join this really good Linkshell full of people who actually need me in their parties. I'm self-appointed Dutchess (mispelling intentional.. fitting, isn't it?) of Ifrit, and yes, we ARE trying to get Rob to become Duke of Ifrit. But noooo, he chose ODIN. :P
I do believe that was the geekiest paragraph I've ever written in this damn thing.
May 20th we're going to a kick ass concert. Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, and Puddle of Mud. OOO! And we're also planning a Cedar Point trip very soon.
Also, since I have it on my comp... ( Amy and Ryan from my party )
For some reason, drunkenness negates the need for flash. Also, he is now obsessed, and she is scared. I'm so good at hooking people up.
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[March 13, 2007 @ 1:16pm] |
So my 21st birthday is in, what... 6 DAYS. What to do, what to do. OH YEAH. I need to renew my drivers licence... should I have done this in advance?
Not much new to talk about. Let's see...
Trying to figure out how to bleach my hair to platinum-ish. Anyone know?
I just finished a 6 day work week and tomorrow I start up another one.
I am a representative of Payless (1 of 6 victims) for the prosecution against two female shoplifters charged with a few misdemeanors, a felony against Marshalls (for the amount stolen), possession of marijuana, giving false information to authorities, and witholding information regarding cohorts. We got our flipflops back, YUSS!
Got written up at work for causing a scene and concerning customers/making them uncomfortable.
Won best dressed/most fashion-forward AND the very first Employee of the Month (for January) at work.
Wondering why almost everything revolves around work.
Saw the movie "300" which is fanTAStic. THIS. IS. SPAR. TA.
Named all of my Harvest Moon characters after said movie. Leonidas owns the Sparta farm with his dog, Xerxis (sp?).
Went shopping with Amy and spent some of our tax return (which is now depleted). I love working an 8 hour shift with Amy, then the next day shopping with her for another 8 hours.
Took some more pics!
Rob and I at the Pistons game. How the hell did the Golden State Warriors SPANK us??
( Pic )
This is something I made and am giving to my brother for a little graphic design thing. He started his new job yesterday and may be able to use this. If not, it's going into a contest:
( one more! )
Sometimes this is how I feel - it takes four of me to get the job done. There is always so much left on me to do, and I'm not even above a key holder (meaning there is an assistant manager, a manager, AND a store-manager-trainee above me, yet I am still doing so freakin' much). I am ridiculously underpaid, which I'm finding out from several Payless employees outside of my store. I'm making only slightly more than what others (who sometimes seem incompetent, *coughsamcough*) were hired in at. Fortunately, I think two-three raises should be lined up for me soon.
Um... climbing on the racks is a total no-no. I wonder if I could get fired for that...
To be honest, I'm considering picking up a second job at this daycare with my friend Lindsay. We could see how well that goes... Rob and I are going to need more money, I know it. Especially when winter comes again (after the summer pick up with the other venues Rob can work).
And just for good measure (and because I love doing them), ( a survey! )
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[March 05, 2007 @ 3:25pm] |
Tonight we're going to see the Pistons! I am very excited, seeing how the last game I went to was when I was half my height (yes, that means I was even shorter). I was testing out my camera to see a) if it works, and b) if I can transfer the pics to my computer with my new USB, and yay, it works. I tested it out with pictures of me and one of my kitties and since the pics are too cute, I thought I'd post 'em.
( Jackie hates me. )
Let's hope I'm not a curse to the Pistons like Mason is to the Tigers.
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rock_2fast4love's journal
thinking back before her
i never knew the meaning of alone
come on, without you I’ll never feel the love inside of me
come on, you know that we belong
come on, come on
roxie was born february 29th, 2008 at 3:56pm. she was 4 pounds, 3.8 ounces and 16.5" long. she had dark brown/black hair and slate blue eyes.
